Does he have his window rolled down because of me?

“My roommate used a bleach pen on my shirt, and I think it was old because now I smell like vomit. And I have a date!” I blurted to the Uber driver seated to my left, hoping that he would quickly squash the insecurity.

“Oh really?” he casually asked back while whipping a U-turn on Santa Monica Boulevard. Yes, really. Was that it? 


Moments earlier I sipped on a Vodka soda while half-standing in the bathtub to shave my legs in an effort to feel fresh for meeting my Bumble match. Now as I sniffed the collar of my white blouse, I regretted the last minute grooming decision that led to inadvertent makeup stains. Besides, it was a coffee shop meet up, not Netflix and Chill.

I was excited though. After bonding over peanut butter M&M’s, Crossfit and coffee with a quasi-Matt Damon lookalike, the drama queen in me dreamt of having a male valentine (besides my dad) for the first time in a decade. As a result, I attempted to match my Bumble app photos from side-braid to faux lashes.

Love Potion3

As I walked down Melrose Avenue towards the coffee shop entrance and peered through the window, the gentleman waiting for me was not entirely what I expected. He was sweet and smart but essentially… shortly after meeting I stopped caring about the potential smell of rancid bleach.

Failed dates always make me feel like drinking a beer and/or marrying a best friend or cat.


15 Valentine’s Day Gifts Under $15

Fortunately, I have about a dozen hot babes to call my valentine, and below are the gifts I’m eyeing for gal pals. And my mom. And myself.