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Life Is Like a Bunch of Orgasms

    The human sexual response cycle that sex researchers, Masters & Johnson, proposed in 1966 includes four phases:   Excitement, plateau, climax and resolution. And I believe it applies to not just sex, but most of life.     My Macbook Pro sat on my lap feeling neglected as my attention turned towards a glass of wine and Bachelor in Paradise. Each commercial break I swore I would show it some love, but TV and Cabernet just felt too good. The ...

Why You Must Let Go of Stories That Don’t Serve You

We’ve all created stories for ourselves that take pieces of our past to predict the future. It’s natural and arguably intelligent. Some of the stories are great. But some are not so great. A New Friend “Pull your knees up higher,” he called out as I chased him up the cement stairs towards Palisades Park on a November evening last year. Did he have eyes in the back of his head? And how did this suddenly switch from simple Monday Bunday to Assday Blastday? I rolled my eyes before ...

30 Things I’ve Learned By 30

On Tuesday morning at 8:30 a.m. on Day 3 of being 30, I walked down the streets of North Scottsdale in a wet white tee, accidentally exposing a black bralette beneath, as if I was heading to Havasu rather than my friend’s house for a pizza waffle blog post. Earlier, in a hurried state to de-wrinkle my last article of clothing, I mistook the washer for the dryer. Surely the 110 degree day would right the wrong. Despite the heat and harsh sunshine, the quiet streets felt comforting. As I ...

We’re All a Little Fucked Up

I hated the bag of nuts that routinely sat next to my boss’s laptop on the conference room table. I hated how he rarely ate them. And I hated it even more when he did. As coworkers provided their meeting agenda items, I wondered if his wife packed them for him as a healthy snack or if dumping walnuts into a Ziplock bag simply required the least amount of effort. I didn’t know his wife, but I wondered if she loved him. Or if she tolerated him. Which I assumed was dependent on whether he ...

Why I Avoid My Responsibilities – And What to Keep in Mind

“Sir, you’ll have to call on Monday to schedule your court date.” The words echoed through the loudspeaker above as the gentleman in front of me shook his head and leaned against the counter, staring at the small intercom mounted below a heavily tinted window. The anonymity of the monotone voice mixed with the sense of fear it distilled made the line outside the Santa Monica Courthouse feel more like a trip to see the Wizard. Holding onto my overdue traffic citation, however, ...

The Perfect Marijuana Strains for 10 Everyday Activities

"You might have to smoke a doobie before this call, AJ," my boss laughed. "It's a big customer, and you need to be calm and collected." I rolled my eyes, made a Xanax joke and a simple "prep for call" to-do list item, but silently, somewhere in my subconscious, I kicked myself for once again being the girl whose anxiety warrants doobie dad jokes. I often wish I could complete simple tasks without feeling the pent-up nerves of performing standup. Or visiting the dentist. Or swimming with ...

What Depression Taught Me Last Year

Camelback Mountain in Phoenix, Arizona has two hiking trails: Cholla and Echo Canyon. Cholla’s subtle ascent makes it a great option for less experienced hikers or hungover mornings. Conversely, Echo includes steep inclines and provides an undeniably better ass workout. However, the advanced workout is not the only reason why I often chose Echo during my time in the desert. Though there is a point along the Echo hike that requires climbing a steep slab of rock, similar to Spiderman ...

What To Do When Vulnerability Feels Scary

“Can I tell you a story?” I asked my new roommate as I sat on my rolling office chair, the lone seat at the kitchen counter in the absence of my last roommate’s dining stools. “Sure...” he responded while searching through the kitchen cabinet. “Do we have bowls?” “Um, no.” I took a big sip of the skinny margarita mix. “No bowls... It’s okay!” He reached for a coffee mug and began to mix cumin, pepper and chili powder. I might not have dinnerware but at ...

3 Things to Remember When You’re Struggling

“Well, if it isn’t my prodigal daughter!” This is how my dad has answered the phone for years when I call. I never once questioned the fact that I didn’t know the definition of “prodigal.” With his sweet, chipper tone, I figured it must mean something like “lovely” or “genius” or “great calves.” The Prodigal Daughter Saint Monica Catholic Church was packed yesterday morning. Even the twice-a-year Church-goers made an effort to honor September 11th and say a prayer ...

What’s Working for You and What’s Not?

On two different occasions I have driven over cement parking bumpers, scraping the undercarriage of my car, while obliviously attempting to pull through the empty parking spot in front of me. Needless to say, while most people excitedly step on the gas when spotting such an opportune pull-through, having the foresight to avoid any potential dividers, I have to stop and consciously check whether one exists before more damage is done. The threshold between “charming” and “alarming” is ...