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Every morning at 7 a.m. for 2 years I pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru with sweat-filled hair post-Crossfit, paid $1.07 and grabbed my small black coffee from the same friendly employee. While preparing quinoa egg scramble at home, I scooped…
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Sigh (v.): emit a long, deep, audible breath expressing sadness, relief, tiredness, or a similar feeling I can’t stand chronic sighers. More specifically, I am annoyed by the type of people who routinely let out deep sighs while doing mundane…
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They say you never forget your first. And what about the second? A plaid button-down hung loosely over a pair of dark acid wash skinny jeans. His hair was parted to the side for the occasion, and girls swarmed around…
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The carpet does it’s best to hide popcorn kernels that are scattered on the floor. An ounce of wine sits at the bottom of a stemless glass on the coffee table. And there is a Skinny Cow wrapper lying beside…
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iPhone screens illuminated the ground around my wedges as tears rolled down my cheeks: “My phone was just here a minute ago! Why does California hate me?” The Bungalow search crew included my girl friend, a middle-aged Australian who offended…
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“I want to make a toast,” Megan announced to the party as she held up her glass. “To Annie.” Oh no. I quickly reached for the bottle of sparkling wine that sat on our kitchen counter along with an assortment…
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“Honestly, I don’t remember what honest signals are,” I confessed to Neal on a follow-up call regarding our boozy conversation. “No, actually… I don’t even remember talking about honest signals.” Chubby Noodle’s menu makes it clear that bottomless pear mimosas…
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“I think it could be a cyst,” I said to the gynecologist as I laid back on the exam table, “or I might be gluten intolerant. I’m not sure. Maybe it’s my birth control?” As the daughter of a hypochondriac…
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It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’ve given myself canker sores from eating too much candy before. I’m not sure if I will ever outgrow malt balls, Swedish Fish and root beer gummies. Bumbling and Tindering in the Los Angeles area…
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This morning I thought I would wake up in Barcelona with a butterfly tattoo. At least that’s what I imagined 6 months ago. “I want to be a butterfly.” I don’t know how many times I voiced this to my…
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