“YOU!” my guy friend pointed at me and shouted. Oh God, what did I do? “YOU need to get on Lulu.” For those who also mistakenly thought he was referring to online shopping for fall yoga apparel, Lulu is an app for girls to anonymously review guys, from crushes to hook ups. As he hovered over me, I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to be in-the-know or was looking to search his name for potential reviews.
Hurriedly, I downloaded the app wanting to see what dirt had been dished. After signing in with Facebook, I don’t know why, but I was slightly taken aback to see a dashboard filled with my guy friends and a rating for each. The first one that caught my attention was my younger brother’s best friend. ‘Hmm, let’s see what girls have to say about my little Miles?’…
#SexualPanther #SexMoves #GoneByMorning
Apparently a few hook-ups considered him a good time, but it looked like that’s where it started and stopped… far from the gentleman I could practically call a brother.
Since Lulu is girls-only, I shared screenshots of the reviews with Miles who was at work in LA. “What the f*** is this??” was the first response I received until I provided an explanation, and he obliged to provide feedback on how it felt to be reviewed like a New York Times Best-seller… orRed Box rental.
1) How did it feel to find out that you had been anonymously reviewed by girls on an app?
At first I was very shocked that such a personal review could be going on without my knowledge. After a minute of thinking about it, I realized how amazing, innocent and hilarious the app truly is. I’m glad girls can finally communicate with their fellow Eskimo sisters.
2) Do you have an idea of who posted the reviews?
I feel like most men have a great idea of who posted about them… Unfortunately that is not the case for me. Why? I’ve got hoes in different area codes.
3) Do you think that the reviews are accurate?
The reviews are definitely accurate to an extent. All of the good stuff is accurate and all of the bad stuff is just the jaded opinion of a female who actually thought she had something non-shallow with me.
4) If there were a similar app for guys, would you use it?
I would 100% use it. Guys always want to know how bad their girl really is for 2 reasons: 1 – if you’re just looking for a quick hook up you want to know she’s somewhat [down] because that means she’s easy-going, no strings attached and probably great in bed. 2 – if you’re looking for a girlfriend you want to know how quickly you can text her, “Never talk to me again. You’ve been rated 28 times.”
5) If you were to write three of your own hashtags to describe yourself, what would they be?
#down #goesforthekill #nosoul
The next night I stopped by La Grande Orange after spin class to check on card inventory. As I jotted down my final card count and headed out the door, I spotted Attorney reading at an outdoor table in his signature glasses and casual leather loafers. He was the hot book worm who I had met at a bar and with whom I shared a couple late night shenanigans and early morning workouts. I couldn’t help but think that if I had Lulu pre-Attorney, maybe I would’ve known about his sketchy track record and spared mild heartache and protein pancake batter. Needless to say, I stared down at my phone and beelined for my car to avoid contact.
On the flip-side, it started giving me extreme anxiety thinking about the review that he, and others, could potentially give me on a Lulu app for guys:
#froggirl #likescats #toonice #inexperienced #chatty #manarms #badcuddler #willblogaboutyou…and the list goes on.
So the question I ask myself and all my girl friends: Is Lulu empowering or embarrassing? And does it give us too much information for our own good? Besides, our girl friends have given us guy warnings forever that have either been completely disregarded or considered a Proceed with Caution. And perhaps Lulu is the latter. If you match a stranger on Tinder or get one’s number at the bar, at least you know what to expect.
Or maybe it’s just a reminder to always be on our best behavior… because Karma is a #bitch.