As part of my New Year’s resolution to live a little and actually interact with guys, I’m back on Tinder. I took a break from the popular dating app after an awkward Arizona Science Center date with a Tinder match over the summer. (Please don’t tell me corny jokes when I’m trying to enjoy a DaVinci exhibit. And no, I don’t want to play with random small children.) But now I’m ready to be open again. In fact, my girlfriends and I stayed in last Friday night for a little Tinder party, swiping away as we drank wine. (Yeah…) As we scanned through guys’ Tinder profiles, we started comparing notes on Tinder do’s and don’ts. What made us right swipe and what made us left? (For those new to Tinder, a right swipe means you’re interested and left swipe means you’re not. Any mutual right swipes result in a match.) So I decided to ask my guy friends the same question and below is the honest truth behind our Tindering.
Tinder Tips from Guys & Girls
Tinder faux pas:
1. Gym selfies. If you don’t have a cool trainer who takes awesome action shots, don’t be the douche who takes it himself.
2. Regular shirtless selfies at home. It’s just weird. If you have a hot body, please be more subtle about how you show it off. Pool pics welcome though.
3. No face-only pics of you looking off into the distance. Okay dude. Obviously a left swipe.
4. Guys who don’t comment on my goat pic. C’mon! (Candy has a picture of a goat eating a tortilla through a kitchen window on her profile. Normally, I would say this is a red flag, but her other cute pics make up for it. And it really should be a conversation starter.)
5. If we’ve been talking for a while, grow a pair and get my number. Tinder kills my battery.
6. If you’re not into working out or personal grooming, please don’t send me a picture of it.
What I do like: A guy who makes plans right away. Who doesn’t?
I personally don’t care for the “Well, I come to AZ often.” Sorry, I’m not gonna be one of your ho’s in different area codes. Too many club promoter friends in common also leads to a left swipe.
Right swipes: Clever taglines, a variety of pictures, mutual friends, and really cute puppies.
1. When all of the pics have so many damn people in them because a. Trying too hard to make yourself look popular and b. Can’t tell which one is you.
2. When they are all face shots and give no perspective as to how big you may be.
3. Trying too hard by showing cleavage in a (skanky) way, makes you look desperate, and well, cheap.
4. When you look different ages in different pics.
5. When your pics are with your man.
6. When you try to make yourself look wealthy or successful by putting up pics in some VIP lounge or you on a boat.
I assume you’re not cute if:
– Sideways photos
– Big glasses
– Hot girl and not hot girl. You’re probably the not hot one.
– Too zoomed in to see your body in every pic
– Really old pictures
Also, I left-swipe girls on horseback simply because I don’t want to share time with your horse.
Personal strategy: Including his Stanford education and photos from every angle.
1. Pics with a kid if you don’t have one. We assume you do.
2. All group pics – which one are you?
3. All obscure far away pics. What the hell do you look like?
4. NO CAT PICS. Dogs are acceptable. Cute puppies – yes.
5. If you’re overweight, do not post a picture of you smashing a cheeseburger. Not to be mean. But fo realz.
Turn Ons: Unique adventure pics, cool travel pics, bikini pics if you have a nice body
1. Profiles that brag about your best qualities. If you have to say “I’m funny”…
2. Pixelated pics. It’s like you strategically cropped a distant pic to hide imperfections.
3. Picture with your car. Save it for your boys.
4. Sunglasses on in every pic which is similar to my pool party rule: I need to see you without a hat and sunglasses.
1. When you’re pictured with cute, fun-looking girls who remind me of my friends. I assume they have good taste.
2. A good ‘ole family pic with Mom and Dad.. as surprising as that sounds.
3. Unique opening lines. One guy’s first message post-match was “‘You make me want to quit Tinder’ would be a great card :)” Clever. I like it.
Beware: Apparently people are now using apps like Pixtr and Facetune to turn them from so-so to supermodel. That gets awkward if you ever meet in person.